My ex-husband is ready to tell our 13 year-old daughter about his preferences regarding women's clothing and gender identity. He is on estrogen and dresses as a female when away from her. However, since he only lives a mile away from us, he is concerned she will find out from one of her schoolmates in a harsher way than him telling her now. I can read lots on your site about the significant other, but I can't find anything to see if a 13 year old is ready. If I remember being 13 correctly, it took a lot, lot less than this to be mortified, so it doesn't seem right to me.
By -- Mar 16, 2022
Your husband is right about being the one to tell your daughter. If she does hear it from others, even if it is done nicely, she may feel that she was betrayed by him and that she was not considered important enough to have been told directly. It could be critical to their future relationship. Although 13 year olds are very sensitive to what goes on in their parent's life and what their friends know about it, there seems to be little choice to be had here. She will have to know sooner or later. It is more a matter of how the disclosure is made not how to avoid it.
I don't know how close your daughter is to your ex-husband. How she takes the news will depend on that relationship. Keep in mind that children are much more concerned about being loved by a parent and their own security then what the parent looks like. Hopefully your ex-husband is seeing a therapist and an endocrinologist for his hormones. If so I suggest that the disclosure come on a joint visit to the therapist's office.
