Welcome To the Anne M. Vitale PhD Website

complicated-and-complex-behavior-25

Complicated and Complex Behavior

A Significant Other View
By Julie Freeman

This article is reprinted with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net

Complicated and Complex Behavior

Posted Jan 13, 2014


Recently, I mentioned that I belonged to some spirituality groups. Through these groups, I have met some very nice, interesting men and women, and have had coffee with a couple of the women a few times. We talk about everything, and I felt comfortable in telling them about my life with a crossdresser. They were very understanding, interested, and definitely non-judgmental as I knew they would be. I also knew that I had mentioned it once before to one of the women, but I don't think she remembered. And we, significant others, have in the past feared telling someone because we thought they would always be thinking about it when in reality many forget over time. Perhaps it is a case of out of sight out of mind.


During the course of our conversation on crossdressing, they mentioned one of the men in our group who they told me likes to wear on occasion female jewelry. I myself have noticed that he likes to talk about the different shoes the gals wear, the socks they wear, and he commented on my nails which had been done recently. Not many of the women I know noticed or if they did, did not comment as I think is typical. So over the years, noticing this, I felt comfortable in mentioning Donna, and I remembered that he kind of gave a joyous laugh when I was talking, sort of like a "how wonderful" response. So putting all the pieces together, I wonder if he could have some transgender qualities -- perhaps not full-fledged, perhaps not even acknowledged.
So I have to wonder if there aren't many others who have a smidgen of crossdressing tendencies and don't understand them or even recognize them. They may never even think to search out information or seek out support groups. They may simply in the privacy of their own homes do what they like occasionally. I know for a fact that this is the situation for my brother-in-law. He limits his activity to home only with minimal femme clothing. Living in a small redneck town with judgmental parents plays a large part in his decision to be very circumspect and careful. So when numbers are bandied about by so-called experts as to the number of crossdressers, etc., in the world, they are missing most likely huge numbers of those with minimal activity, those who restrict their activities, and those who do not even know they are crossdressers.
I know there are those who would discount these groups as not being "true" crossdressers because they are not out and about, don't dress completely, etc. They might even say these individuals are not crossdressers at all. It reminds me of years ago when transsexuals criticized crossdressers, saying they were not the "real thing."
But over time, I think there is more understanding that transgenderism covers a much wider spectrum of behaviors than was originally thought. We no longer put people in boxes as we once did. Many of us now know that the so-called "straight" community actually contains many individuals who are homosexual, but live a heterosexual life for various reasons.
It appears that behaviors vary widely, many not subject to classification. We are a complicated species, with complex behaviors. No one is just female or just male. We can only hope that realization of this makes us more compassionate and understanding.

Copyright¬© 2006-2022 Anne Vitale PhD avitale.com All right reserved

DISCLAIMER: 

Nothing on this site should be viewed as providing therapeutic advice. No formation of a client/therapist
relationship with Dr. Vitale is intended or to be implied or inferred. The information provided in this site is for educational
purposes only. I attempt to keep the information current but make no representation or warranties in that regard. You should
not rely upon this information as a substitute for consul with a qualified mental health professional.