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Normal Human Condition

A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman


April 27, 2007

Normal Human Condition

When significant others first find about their husbands’ crossdressing, they complain of what we call “the kid in the candy store” syndrome. Their husbands, newly out of the closet, just can’t seem to get enough of their newfound freedom and are driving their wives crazy with their continual talk of makeup, clothes, wigs, etc. They are hogging the Internet, looking for crossdressing websites, spending money right and left on female accoutrements, and attending gender activities that may interfere and interrupt their normal family activities.

Over time, the crossdresser settles down a bit as he becomes aware that he no longer will be forced back into the closet and in many cases his concerns about family help to moderate his social activities and expenses.

With this moderation may come a more positive attitude towards the crossdressing on the part of the significant other. For awhile everything may go along smoothly and then as the crossdresser gains more confidence in his ability to pass as a woman and feels comfortable going out, the desire to do more emerges. This “pushing the envelope” as we wives like to call it can cause strain and stress on the marriage and may even lead to deterioration of the relationship.

What is interesting is that “pushing the envelope” is actually a normal human condition. All humans want more of what feels good. We see this all around us in women and men alike regardless of their gender condition or sexual preference. Drinking, eating, shopping, playing tennis, going fishing, watching television, participating in golf tournaments are just a few examples of activities that FEEL GOOD for whatever reason. Some activities such as playing tennis or participating in golf tournaments are considered harmless with little repercussions other than expenses involved or possible physical injury.

But other activities are not so benign, such as drinking and/or eating to excess that may lead to severe physical problems.

So where does one place crossdressing on a scale which runs from completely benign to completely malignant. The medical community considers crossdressing benign with no untoward side effects other than those produced by a society that is intolerant and unforgiving.

But all activities, regardless of whether they are benign, or especially important if they are malignant, may need to be moderated if the needs of others are to be respected. Just as a family may come to resent a father who is absent due to fishing excursions with his buddies, so may a wife come to resent her husband who is absent due to crossdressing activities or is breaching her comfort zone.

Communication, consideration, caring, and compromise are ways in which humans can learn to moderate those activities which are considered out of control. Pushing the envelope is normal and to be expected, but it can be dealt with in a positive, constructive, and helpful manner.

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