Welcome To the Anne M. Vitale PhD Website

on-coming-back-home-49

On Coming Back Home

A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman


February 2015
Reprinted here by permission. Posted January 28, 2017

On Coming Back Home

An interesting situation was reported by the significant other of a crossdresser who is home from overseas. He is very closeted, depressed, and I believe at this point in his life, feels he has no other choices in dealing with his life.
Laura, his significant other, has been having private email communication with her boyfriendÕs mother because of his depression. Apparently he does not know about the relationship between his mother and Laura, especially considering that he and his family live over 4,000 miles away.
It is not totally clear from the emails whether the crossdresser lives at home when he is not overseas or whether he lives with his girlfriend.
But what happened shortly after the boyfriend was back at home, his mother went through his clothing and discovered ÒNina.Ó While his mother did not specifically refer to any particular item, she simply mentioned to Laura that she had gone through her sonÕs clothing.
So we are all assuming, including Laura, that the mother is hoping for some explanation as to what is going on. For all we know, she may wonder if her son had another girlfriend before Laura.
But most of us wondered why a mother was going through her adult sonÕs clothing and whether or not it had to do with his depression. She, the mother, claims that she was doing the laundry which may be the case. But whether the mother was ÒsnoopingÓ where she had no right to snoop, or whether she was just trying to be helpful and clean up after her son, he obviously was not careful.
Since this occurred just after he came home from being overseas, he must have brought clothing belonging to ÒNinaÓ with him. He may not have had a chance to put ÒNinaÓ away or perhaps it never occurred to him that his mother would go through his belongings.
Most everyone who read LauraÕs email regarding this issue felt that she should simply tell the mother to talk to her son about the clothing, but not really say much of anything, especially anything related to crossdressing.
But should she tell her boyfriend? Should he be warned that his mother had gone through his clothing? Since her communication with her boyfriendÕs mother is confidential and done without the sonÕs knowledge, she feels she cannot say anything to ÒNina.Ó Laura also stated that her boyfriend would be devastated if he knew his mother had found out about his crossdressing and probably go into full panic mode.
So what a can of worms! A depressed, somewhat suicidal, crossdresser. A sympathetic, loving girlfriend thousands of miles away. And a mother somewhat ignorant at this point as to why her son is depressed and suicidal.
At this point, Laura has decided to say nothing to her boyfriend at all since he is so far away and not to address the issue with his mother although she suspects the mother knows. I am sure in time she will let us know what has happened.
But I have to wonder about the boyfriend. Why did he leave clothing about and risk being discovered? Why wasnÕt he more careful? Could he subconsciously have wanted to be discovered? Or was he just expecting privacy because he was an adult, not a young child who expected his mother to clean his room. Guess we will never know.
But it should give others food for thought when returning home to mom - privacy may be an illusion.

Copyright¬© 2006-2022 Anne Vitale PhD avitale.com All right reserved

DISCLAIMER: 

Nothing on this site should be viewed as providing therapeutic advice. No formation of a client/therapist
relationship with Dr. Vitale is intended or to be implied or inferred. The information provided in this site is for educational
purposes only. I attempt to keep the information current but make no representation or warranties in that regard. You should
not rely upon this information as a substitute for consul with a qualified mental health professional.