Peace of Mind
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman
This article is reprinted here with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls' newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net
Peace of Mind
I have known about my husband's crossdressing for over 12 years! In the beginning, I was bewildered, confused, angry, afraid, embarrassed - you name it! It took a long time for me to come to grips with my husband's crossdressing and realize that this was not something he asked for. It was something he was born with! But he did everything he could to help me to understand why he crossdressed; he never put pressure on me to do anything or go anywhere I did not want to; he bent over backwards to help me to understand.
For years, he and so many others hid their "secret" as best they could from family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. Society has made it clear that crossdressing is not considered "normal", that it may even be "perverted" in their minds - whoever THEY are. So it is no wonder that the crossdressers in our lives have been afraid to talk about crossdressing with us; they fear our anger, resentment, hostility. And for those significant others who try to understand, finding out their friends will no longer have anything to do with them or their children leads to even further division within the family.
Thus it should come us no surprise that crossdressers in reaction to what they fear from us HIDE their crossdressing even more, refuse to talk about crossdressing, and this may cause them to become hostile and angry.
This is a depressing situation that only gets worse as neither the significant other (who has little knowledge of crossdressing) nor the husband (who may be equally ignorant of just how crossdressing affects the wife) can communicate with each other.
In those situations where crossdressing has become a positive in the relationship it is usually because at least one of the partners has made a decision to try to incorporate crossdressing in the relationship in a positive, constructive manner and has communicated this to the partner. Some crossdressers are very aware of their wives' needs and make an extra effort to accommodate them. They may curtail their crossdressing a bit; make an effort to be a better husband, etc. Some wives, realizing how important it is for them to make the relationship work, make an extra effort to understand WHY their husbands want and need to crossdress. They may make an extra effort to be supportive and understanding.
So it behooves us and the crossdressers in our lives, to try to come to an understanding of just how crossdressing can be incorporated into our lives in such a way that peace of mind can be attainable.