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Secrets

A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman


Originaly published in "Devil Woman" May 1993
Republished here by permission February 2017

Secrets

One word that every CD knows is "secret." It is also known by many SO's. When I found out about my husband's crossdressing, I was very concerned about who knew our "secret." I was not one for shouting from the rooftops or walking down Main St., probably the result of having a very outgoing, extroverted father. Understandable as he is to me now, as a child it was difficult.
So when we told our children about the crossdressing, we asked that they keep it within our immediate family. There was no reason for anyone else to know. We had discussed this issue with other couples prior to my telling our children and many of them also shared our belief that crossdressing should remain within the family. Another SO reminded me that once you tell someone, you can never take it back. So be careful whom you tell.
So for years we thought our daughters were the only ones who knew. Recently, I decided to ask my children (who are now young adults) how they felt about their father's crossdressing and do they wish they had been told earlier or not at all, etc.
My older daughter said she thought the worst part of learning about the crossdressing was having to keep it a secret. She told me for the first time that she had told her boyfriend, that it was impossible for her not to share that knowledge, and that was almost six years ago! He did not want us to know that he knew because he did not want to make my husband uncomfortable.
This was a shock although not a bad shock. I was just surprised to find that she had told him. She also told me that her sister had also told a couple of her friends. Both did not like not letting us know about their "secret," but they knew how I felt.
This brings up the issue of secrets and do we do more harm from trying to keep secrets or not. About two years ago, I revealed the "secret" to one of my closest friends. I knew her well; I knew she would be accepting, and she was! Some SO's who have revealed the "secret" have lost friends ones who just have a very difficult time understanding gender issues.
So there are no right or wrong answers. It is up to each couple to decide for themselves to whom and when to tell the "secret" if they so choose. In the case of my older daughter, keeping the "secret" was harder on her than the "secret" itself.

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