Ups and Downs
A Significant Other View
by Julie Freeman
This article is reprinted with permission from DEVIL WOMAN, the Diablo Valley Girls newsletter. Ms Freeman is the wife of a crossdresser. She can be reached at Julie39@comcast.net
Ups and Downs
For most of us, when we are presented with something different or unusual, it takes a period of time to adjust. We may feel that the normal situation is for one to start out skeptical or even negative and then as time goes on slowly adjust and eventually if all goes well become very positive. Sort of like a diet. We may start out with a goal of losing 25 pounds and according to the diet charts, we should see a steady decline of perhaps two lbs. per week. Right? Wrong!!
We all know that in spite of good intentions and stringent dietary habits, those pounds do not disappear at a steady rate. Rather we experience ups and downs. One week we may lose the two lbs. if we are lucky. Then the next week, instead of losing, we gain a pound. We become frustrated and depressed and may decide why bother. Perhaps if we were to recognize that human behaviors, whether physical or emotional, are like bicycling over hill and dale, rather than climbing steadily uphill or coasting downhill, we would be more successful.
And that is the way it is with accepting crossdressing. I thought when I was first exposed to the phenomenon that slowly over time I would become more and more tolerant and understanding, like cycling steadily uphill. Eventually I would reach the top and be the most understanding wife in the community!
It was to my chagrin to find that it did not work that way. Some weeks I found myself supportive and encouraging. Attending gender events were not a problem. Shopping was fun. But then, surprisingly, a few weeks later I found myself angry and resentful. I felt if I had to discuss clothes and make up one more time, I would scream.
It has helped me to realize that situations in our lives are a series of ups and downs - that it is unrealistic to expect total support of any activity, not just crossdressing. It is all right and even normal to be supportive one week and nonsupportive another. We do not have to feel guilty if sometimes we get tired of the whole thing. Sometimes too much can be too much.
Perhaps if all of us, crossdressers and significant others, realize that it is okay to be negative at times, it would make life easier for all of us.