My 24-year-old daughter has just announced to us that her voice sounds deeper because she is "in transition." We had no idea what she was talking about and we are intelligent, educated and sophisticated people. She also has a learning disorder and I wonder if there might be a relationship here. It is hard not to feel guilty and we dread when the news is made public. How can a parent of one of these tortured individuals not feel as if they made a mistake in raising their child?
First of all, I think it is important that you understand that Gender Identity Disorder rarely, if ever has anything to do with how the individual was raised or whether or not an individual has a learning disorder. We are all but certain now that the gender variant condition is due to a congenital anomaly. In gender variant genetic females as your daughter appears to be, it could be due to a surge of androgens (probably from the mother through the placenta) to your unborn daughter's brain during a critical period of her embryonic development. You, as her mother would not have even known that it happened. Having a gender variant child is nothing to be ashamed of. Gender variance happens.
Secondly it often comes as a surprise to parents to find that their child has a gender issue. Especially if the child is "extremely creative and talented and a high achiever". It is not something most children feel comfortable talking about. Often they are ashamed of these strong feelings and hide them from those they love the most. More then likely your daughter has been protecting you and your husband from all of this. Your comment, "It is hard not to feel guilty and we dread when the news is made public." is telling in that regard. That is something the three of you need to discuss at length.
You didn't mention whether or not your daughter was seeing a gender specialist or not but since her voice is changing and she says that she is in transition, she probably is. As you know, she doesn't have to have you meet her therapist but I think it would be helpful if all of you had as many family sessions as needed to place this all in perspective. I know if I were seeing your daughter, I would have encouraged her from the onset to have you join us in our sessions before anything as important as a referral for androgen replacement therapy commenced.
Read More