Could you enlighten me as to what would be an acceptable solution to my lifelong dilemma. I am a female and definitely heterosexual, I tried the lesbian thing and although I think women are beautiful, I have no interest in them sexually. I have been all my life distinctively male in my interests and behavior. I have no interest in female clothing or activities and feel very uncomfortable when I force myself. It just doesn't feel like me. I am not aggressive like many males, although I am somewhat dominating. At best when I am engaged in a male-like activity, such as doing construction work, the guys forget I'm a female and treat me as one of them. I have never had a successful long-term relationship (I'm 48). I am uncomfortable every day and have no idea how to resolve my dysphoria or to have a successful relationship.
Most of my gender dysphoric female clients seem to be a bit more certain than you about having a male inner sense of self. As a result they come to see me with more of an intent to transition than to sort things out. Your situation seems more like the gender dysphoric males I see in that they do want to try and sort things out first. Transition seems to be way in the back of their minds even for those that do go on to transition. A good gender specialist should be able to help you fit all the pieces together and find your place in the gender spectrum. With that knowledge you can decide what to do next. If you tell me where you live and the names of a couple of other cities you are willing to travel to, I will try to find someone to refer you to.
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