Faq

I am looking for information on the effect of a child whose father is suddenly becoming a woman, including crossdressing, hormones, name change, etc.

I suggest that you check out a new study by Richard Green recently published in the International Journal of Transgenderism. The URL is: http://www.symposion.com/ijt/ijtc0601.htm

Here is the abstract:
Continuing contact between transsexual parents and their children has met with significant opposition. Two areas of concern are effects on the gender identity of the children and reaction by the children's peer group. Eighteen children, 10 boys, 8 girls of 9 transsexual parents, have been evaluated. Their ages range from 5 -16 years. All live with or have regular contact with their transsexual parent. No child has gender identity disorder. No child has had extensive conflict with the peer group. All continue positive relationships with their transsexual parent.

Read More

My 24-year-old daughter has just announced to us that her voice sounds deeper because she is "in transition." We had no idea what she was talking about and we are intelligent, educated and sophisticated people. She also has a learning disorder and I wonder if there might be a relationship here. It is hard not to feel guilty and we dread when the news is made public. How can a parent of one of these tortured individuals not feel as if they made a mistake in raising their child?

First of all, I think it is important that you understand that Gender Identity Disorder rarely, if ever has anything to do with how the individual was raised or whether or not an individual has a learning disorder. We are all but certain now that the gender variant condition is due to a congenital anomaly. In gender variant genetic females as your daughter appears to be, it could be due to a surge of androgens (probably from the mother through the placenta) to your unborn daughter's brain during a critical period of her embryonic development. You, as her mother would not have even known that it happened. Having a gender variant child is nothing to be ashamed of. Gender variance happens.

Secondly it often comes as a surprise to parents to find that their child has a gender issue. Especially if the child is "extremely creative and talented and a high achiever". It is not something most children feel comfortable talking about. Often they are ashamed of these strong feelings and hide them from those they love the most. More then likely your daughter has been protecting you and your husband from all of this. Your comment, "It is hard not to feel guilty and we dread when the news is made public." is telling in that regard. That is something the three of you need to discuss at length.

You didn't mention whether or not your daughter was seeing a gender specialist or not but since her voice is changing and she says that she is in transition, she probably is. As you know, she doesn't have to have you meet her therapist but I think it would be helpful if all of you had as many family sessions as needed to place this all in perspective. I know if I were seeing your daughter, I would have encouraged her from the onset to have you join us in our sessions before anything as important as a referral for androgen replacement therapy commenced.

Read More

A week ago my husband and I received a letter from our daughter stating that she was going to begin hormone therapy for the purpose of transitioning. We have known for many years that our daughter is a lesbian and that she prefers to wear male clothing, but this came as a distressing shock to us. She said that she did not want to undergo therapy and that she was going to proceed with this process on her own. Do you think that she should undergo therapy before embarking on this path?

Gender role transition is a very important matter. NO ONE should even consider doing it without the aid of a therapist that knows what they are doing. You might inform your daughter of the World Professional Association for Trangender Health's Standards of Care, (WPATH SOC 7). A pdf copy of the SOC is available elsewhere on this site. I suggest that if you have not already done so that you read them yourself. Hopefully she will follow through and see someone.

Read More

My fiance recently told me that he had a gender identity issue but that he has it under control. Shall I take him at his word or is this more then I can expect him to handle?

You and your fiance need to be very, very careful about going any further in your relationship without looking at this issue closer. Gender dysphoric feelings DO NOT CHANGE simply because someone has fallen in love. There are no "miracle drugs" and the only hormone that helps gender dysphoria in males is estrogen. I suggest that you read: Trans Forming Families: Real Stories About Transgendered Loved Ones, 2nd Edition by Ari Ishtar Lev (Editor), Mary Boenke (Editor), Jessica Xavier (Introduction) The book is available on Amazon.com and should give you a good insight on how other couples have handled the problem. It is a positive book and you may be surprised as to your options.

Read More

I am still in shock. My 19 year old son came home unexpectedly and found my fiance running around the house in panties and a bra. Help me understand.

First of all, if you have not already done so, let your fiance know that you are concerned and would like an explanation. There may be nothing to it or there may be a lot. Either way you need to find out. I am assuming that since you have a 19 year old son that your fiance is probably in his mid-forties. If he is a cross dresser now then he probably has been his entire life. The need to cross dress in some men is very strong and does not go away. I suggest that you read the entries on my web site http://www.avitale.com/sotherlist.htm. The articles are written by the long time wife of a cross dresser. The couple is doing just fine and have been doing so for many years.

Read More