Faq

I have concerns about my 5 year old son. He has for the last year or so been found wearing girls underwear that he has taken from the bathrooms at school and also has taken from family cousins on outings such as camping and so forth. Once or twice he was caught putting on his cousins (girl) one piece swimsuit. I have thought nothing about it simply because he has also brought home boys underwear from school and if he wasn't such a boy (playing with insects and cars etc.) I would be more concerned, just thought maybe you could give me more insight as to whether or not children can get confused without having GID?

First of all, I would be far more concerned that your 5 year old is stealing and far less concerned about what he is taking. If you have not addressed his stealing with him yet, I sure would start soon. Secondly there is nothing about this situation for you to think that your child has GID. Especially since he shows no other signs. His play habits are male so he probably thinks of himself as a boy. Of course, you could ask him directly about it. He may or may not tell you the truth, depending on how you phrase the question so try to make it sound as if you will be willing to accept his answer no matter what it may be.

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My ex-husband is ready to tell our 13 year-old daughter about his preferences regarding women's clothing and gender identity. He is on estrogen and dresses as a female when away from her. However, since he only lives a mile away from us, he is concerned she will find out from one of her schoolmates in a harsher way than him telling her now. I can read lots on your site about the significant other, but I can't find anything to see if a 13 year old is ready. If I remember being 13 correctly, it took a lot, lot less than this to be mortified, so it doesn't seem right to me.

Your husband is right about being the one to tell your daughter. If she does hear it from others, even if it is done nicely, she may feel that she was betrayed by him and that she was not considered important enough to have been told directly. It could be critical to their future relationship. Although 13 year olds are very sensitive to what goes on in their parent's life and what their friends know about it, there seems to be little choice to be had here. She will have to know sooner or later. It is more a matter of how the disclosure is made not how to avoid it.

I don't know how close your daughter is to your ex-husband. How she takes the news will depend on that relationship. Keep in mind that children are much more concerned about being loved by a parent and their own security then what the parent looks like. Hopefully your ex-husband is seeing a therapist and an endocrinologist for his hormones. If so I suggest that the disclosure come on a joint visit to the therapist's office.

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I will like to know more about this gender identity disorder because just 2 years ago, my younger sister revealed to me that she is a lesbian and that pretty much she had struggled with her sexuality ever since she was 5 years old. She is very confused and since many of our family members are not aware of this situation because she's been hiding it very well. Please I need some of your insights.

You seem to be confusing some of your terms here. Let me see if I can clear some things up. First of all being a Lesbian has to do with sexual intimacy--preferring to have a female-female relationship. That would be called an individual's sexual identity. When a genetic female feels that she is really a man she is talking about having a male gender identity. If your sister has been dealing with her gender issues since she was 5 that certainly has nothing to do with her sexuality.

I'm not sure how old you sister is but she should try to read all she can about gender issues. She might also consider seeing a gender specialist.

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My ex-husband has recently started taking estrogen on his way to transitioning to being a woman. We have four children. When is an appropriate time to talk to children about the changes?

That depends on the age of the children. It will be some time, perhaps as long as 6 months to a year before there are any visible signs of the transition. I would not say anything until the children begin to ask for answers. Then I would tell them an age appropriate amount of information. Keep in mind that children under 5 take the news almost without comment while older children will ask some questions that should be answered honestly and in a matter of fact way.

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In your experience, have parents been mostly supportive of their transgender offspring? Any advice for parents?

I have no way of actually knowing the answer to this question. I am almost certain that if a young gender dysphoric person believes that their parents would be adverse to knowing that they are gender variant, they would keep that information to themselves and go underground with their problem. If on the other hand they feel comfortable disclosing than there is a good chance they will get the professional help they need.

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